A religious conversation about Jody's love life

This might be the most self-reflective moment of the year. New Years is around the corner, deadlines are approaching and in between all that stress and daydreaming about next year’s prospects many people are wondering; what has changed about me this year?

For the latter part of the year I got to engage with more religions than a student who’s taking a religious studies class. I didn’t pretend to read about them in expensive textbooks or half-heartedly listen to lectures about them. Instead, I got to interview members of religious and non-religious groups and learn about what inspires them to have faith. What’s changed about me is I’ve started to really consider what role religion plays in my life.

I grew up in a seemingly religious home. This means, Christianity never came up unless we were discussing something God wouldn’t want me to do, that includes dating people out of faith. That’s probably why the dating and religion article was my first idea and the one I was most excited to write.

To sum it up, my parent’s are both from Jamaica and their relationships with people who were non-black never really went beyond friendship or business. However, that doesn’t speak for every Jamaican. My grandfather was the product of a British immigrant and an Indian-Jamaican woman’s marriage.

Nonetheless, my parent’s grew up with stereotypical beliefs that they brought to Canada and that I continue to debunk one argument at a time. Growing up in Scarborough, I made a lot of friends who weren’t of the same race as me but in this environment I felt encouraged to think beyond friendship, something my parents did not tolerate. Like Shara and Adam, my ex-partner and I had discussed marriage and children. Unlike Shara and Adam, our parents really wanted us to marry someone of the same faith.

My father and I sat down and had a serious talk about how a certain culture (that I shall not name) is cannibalistic and I should not be involved with them. My mom said she wouldn’t attend our wedding if it ever came to that. We used to say that it didn’t matter and we would get married anyway. But six years later, after speaking with so many people one on one about their religious upbringing and their commitment to their faith I started to realize how naive I once was.

My parents spent an important portion of their lives living and learning according to Christianity in Jamaica. Sundays were actually quiet, the hills rung with bells and little old ladies sat in their Sunday best waiting for their taxi to take them to church. Every Easter and Christmas my mom looked forward to good food and mandatory participation in activities at church. My parents intended on marrying someone of the same faith and never thought otherwise. So how could I expect them to abandon that way of life?

Coming to this country my parents had to adapt. And as Denaysh pointed out during our interview, first generations don’t participate as heavily in religion as their parents did, so my parents had to get used to that. What I’m leading to here is a compromise that I’ve finally come to terms with. When I was younger, and angry at my parents for not understanding and being ignorant, I said I didn’t care. I wouldn’t care. I’ll date and marry whoever I want and my mom will come to my wedding (or else suffer public disgrace, cause she really does care about that). But now, seeing as my parent’s have made so many compromises on my and my sibling’s behalf I’ve decided to actively seek someone of the same faith. It might not seem like a big deal but for me it’s a revelation. Again, I live in a city where a lot of the guys I’m attracted to (well it does start with an attraction) aren’t Christian. I hate the idea of having to narrow my prospects but I’m willing to try since it means that much to my parents. Maybe I’ll move to Quebec and meet a cute first generation African (and Christian) man and become fluent at the same time.

#dating #religion #toronto #millennials